Starting the Road To Wellness

Yesterday was my first official day on my road to wellness. I have been obese (what a horrifying word for such a horrifying condition) all my life. As a child, my pediatrician would make comments to my mother about how I needed to lose weight. My parents would encourage me to eat my veggies and avoid having a second helping of the good stuff. From the time I was a child...as young as I can remember, I've known that I was fat. It's something that I have woken up with every day of my life and have carried with me like some sort of deformity. Don't get me wrong - I've certainly felt pretty, and sexy, and even healthy, but even on those days I was never pretty enough, or sexy enough, or healthy enough. I've always known there was still room for improvement.

Although I am tempted to type out the numbers that make up my weight, I am not ready to do so. The picture that I'm putting with this post should sum it up. I'm not just robust, or a little bit plump; I am fat. I've been on a spiral down hill with my weight since 2010 after being the healthiest I've probably ever been. I went from working out 4-5 days a week, having a personal trainer, and logging all my calories, to "suddenly" gaining almost 70 lbs...and even back then I still needed to lose 60 lbs! Just so we're clear, I'm not a skinny girl who wants to lose 10 lbs, although I sympathize with those girls too - losing weight is tough on everyone.

Needing to start on to my Road to Wellness as I'm calling it, has been on my mind for some time (forever really), but really over the last few weeks. I've been vacationing, drinking a lot of wine and fancy beer, and enjoying the good life. I'm probably the happiest I've ever been, except for this whole weight thing. While enjoying my summer, I've been packing on more pounds, and now suddenly I feel the worst I've ever felt in my life. I don't move around as easily as I had, I get tired doing little things, etc. About a month ago I started getting a pain in my left arm. I started worrying that I was about to have a heart attack and I even mentioned to my husband that perhaps I should see a doctor. But my God, I'm too young to have a heart attack (says the obese woman who weighs as much as 2 healthy women).  So I've been avoiding it, ignoring it, explaining the pain away. Then over this past weekend we got a phone call that my cousin April passed away while in rehab after a hospital stay. She had a massive heart attack. She was only in her 60's. All I could think about was the pain in my arm. My father looked at my feet and ankles that same day and I was very swollen form the week of vacationing and drinking that I'd just had. He commented - and he rarely comments on my weight - and he was scared for me. It runs in the family he reminded me. My ankles looked like April's, or my grandmothers, or so many relatives before me who were unhealthy.

As I mentioned, I've been fat my whole life. It is in my genes, I get it from my father's side of the family. While back to the gym yesterday, as I huffed and puffed and sweated like a farm animal (while walking at a whopping 2.5), I started thinking about all the family members that have died due to preventable deaths. It's pretty much all of them. Some smoked, so that explains that, but most of the others died from heart disease or diabetes or poor life style decisions. My grandmother had some girth to her and always used to tell me when I was little that I wasn't fat; I was just "big boned" like her. I loved my grandmother. She gave me cookies and candy and made me bacon on Saturdays after I'd already eaten breakfast at my parent's house. I grew up not wanting to look like some of my family members who I knew were unhealthy and I swore I would never look like them. Now, at 37 years old, not only do I look like those same people, but I've even surpassed them in weight. I am appalled with myself and I'm taking action. I had planned to start this Monday - after all, who doesn't like to start on a Monday!? - but after my cousin died and I saw the worry on my father's face, I knew I really NEEDED to start on Monday. My husband asked if I should go to the hospital for my arm pain and I contemplated it...he told me he wasn't ready for me to leave him. My father's sad eyes when he spoke to me made me think about how my parents have already lost one daughter at the ripe young age of 34 from a completely avoidable lifestyle. I was not prepared to die and leave my parents without another daughter or leave my husband without a wife.

I had a doctor's appointment scheduled for something unrelated yesterday and I had my arm checked out while I was there. The doctor was pretty sure it's Bursitis (thank God). I did go to the gym yesterday and I worked out for 30 minutes (walking). At one point I even had the urge to run, but actually envisioned my heart exploding inside my body and decided to just take it easy on my first day back. I publicly announced on Facebook that I was starting this new Road to Wellness and I had an outpouring of encouragement that was so overwhelming - I was truly inspired and encouraged by every text, private message, "like" and comment to my post! I received encouragement, well wishes, kind words...and a few people who really wanted me to keep them posted and in the loop with this journey. Because of all the amazing people that reached out to me yesterday, I decided to start a blog and keep people in the loop. Many told me that I was inspirational to them and I'm honored that they think that. I want to continue to be an inspiration to people - whether you need to lose 100 lbs or 0 lbs, I'm glad I can still be inspiring and I hope can bring some humor to the table while focusing on  such serious matters as health and wellness and trying not to die young.

Day 1:
30 minutes of exercise (a whopping 152 calories burned I think)
1,642 calories consumed
A pretty good start, if I do say so myself.

**Please pardon all spelling and grammatical errors...this isn't a writing competition, it's a Road To Wellness Blog!